Today, Josie and I decided to offer our appartment's free room to one of her friends returning from a one year trip around the world. I hope she accepts because roommates are one of the greatest generator of random situations. This is just one of the great and random things that happened to me since I started dating Josie three and a half years ago.
That never struck me before I started dating her because I never suffered from it, but I'm some type of loner. I don't go out much and I enjoy time spent on my own. Maybe a little more than I should, so my girlfriend's plans are always welcomed to shake up my droning monotony. Being on my own never scared me. Some of the time, it can be heavy and alienating, but it's time well-spent when you're your own best friend. I remember in high school that the loners were always pointed at and made fun of, but that's such a sheepish mentality. If every member of the herd thinks the herd is there to protect them, no one is protecting each other. I'd spend even more time on my own if I had to do it again.
But people dread being alone. Some even commit suicide over it. Some blur it out in club music, alcoholic brevages and sometimes even drugs. Is it so miserable to spend a few hours isolated? I can't judge people who cannot do it. I can't say they aren't strong enough because their curse might not be mine. I separated the phenomenon in two categories. Loneliness and Solitude.
Loneliness is what you feel when you have been rejected and left behind. It's the sound that the wind makes when people pass you by. You cannot think about loneliness without thinking about loss. It's a hole, created in a situation where there was a happy fulfillment. I experience loneliness every time I tried to reach out too hard. Reach out to worthless friends or to worthless girls back in my younger days. I don't have the most experience with that feeling though, what I know best is solitude.
Solitude is the conscious choice of removing yourself from social situations in the pursuit of something. Sometimes, what you're looking for is not in the others, but it's within yourself. Sun Tzu, Confucious, Lao Tzu or I-don't-know-which-Chinese-philosopher said that the superior men seek answers from within. Solitary men don't suffer, but they are really self-absorbed. Seeking the depht of your mind can be an enthralling entreprise, but it's also making you some kind of a barely functionnal mess.
When I started dating Josie a few years ago I had been on my own so much that every small pleasure I discovered with her was a major revelation. I had forgotten how to have an everyday conversation that didn't revolve around martial arts or highly intellectual pendatic stuff. Having a discussion about how to move a book shelf through a doorway became an adventure for me. That's when I realized I wasn't cut out for academic lifestyle. There is a healthy dose of "being normal" that a human being should have in order to be truly great.
Sometimes, my significant other doesn't understand why I don't get pumped up for some things. Travelling, for example. This is something I'm really looking forward to (and scrambling restlessly to accomplish), but it's so new to me that I have a hard time to understand the whole experience. It's just another adventure that Josie pulls me in. She's my fine balance with the world. Loners, when accompanied, can live solitude without ever falling into loneliness and melancholy.
I'd advocate a healthy dose of solitude to everyone. Stepping away and spending time on your own can prevent people leaving you in the dust. Healthy is the key word here. Too much is like not enough like my dad would say.
