I have been preparing for this top 10 for a few weeks. Being a pretty consistent reader (so I think), I have a long list of pet peeves, both physical and narrative around books and it's been really hard to cut down to only ten. So here are the ten pet peeves that drive me furiously made with anger and frustration. Patrick Bateman style. With the ax, Huey Lewis, and all.
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1-"Classics": I hate, hate, hate that word. There is no "elite of novels" that make you a better person for reading them. Plenty of books have survived the test of time for the wrong reasons. There are no classics, only books that marked you. The novel that is the closest from a "universal classic" status would be The Great Gatsby.
2-The Didactic Character Or Plot Twist: Paulo Coehlo is the biggest culprit here. But I'm struggling with a didactic story also right now. If I'm conflicted about the ways of the world, I want to understand how other people overcame the same condition. I don't want characters who are so damn they figured it out. Even worse, characters that follow them on bloody stumps through the snow. Aaaargh!
3-Non-Narrative Agendas: If you write a novel, write a goddamn novel. Don't bug me with your personal, religious or political beliefs if they don't have anything to do with your story. Writers who try to build novels from ideas end up having schizo characters and bad storylines. To me, it's a sign of a writer that lacks confidence in his storytelling skills and takes comfort in telling himself : "It doesn't matter, because I'm smart".
4-Literary Trends: One paranormal romance book sells million, next thing you know, the market is flooded with novels of young girls in love with a vampire/werewolf/demon/angel/ghost, etc. And every agent/publisher wants to cash in on that. Just write your story. The one you've been meaning to tell the world. Writing is not selling. Last time I checked it was still art.
5-Splitting Covers: I'm sure it happened to you at least once. If you carry your books around enough, some covers will split on the top right. When if you're really out of luck, one of the layers with bend and your book will look like shit. I get so FUCKING mad when it happens that sometimes I just tear the upper right corner of my cover off. Did that with the Joan Didion book.
6-The Defensive Reader: I meet them all the time. They keep glancing at my books in the subway and making pouty mouths. Most of the time they're reader Harry Potter or The Hunger Games and they take great pride whenever their books is thicker than mine. I don't have anything against J.K Rowling or Suzanne Collins, but those people think I do. They read a personality behind the book I'm carrying.
7-Self-Published Nutters: I don't think anybody likes them. Writing is emotionally scorching, more often than not, but too many delusional, self-proclaimed genius find haven there. And they are everywhere. On Twitter, on blogger, in the writers conferences, not really aware that their book sucks. Too bad, because I like the D.I.Y idea. Henry Rollins built his fame around it.
8-The Writer That LOVES One Thing: Unless you're REALLY in love with courtroom drama, you didn't read all of the John Grisham novels. I have read two before I got bored. Shady lawyers, embezzled funds, mob whacking in the justice hall parking lot, paranoid hero that nobody believes. It's always the same thing. I don't mean Grisham should start writing romance. Maybe just get out of his comfort zone a little.
9-Second Hand Books: I can buy second hand if the book is in good condition, but I hate shopping for second hand books that have brown pages, bent covers and dog eared pages. I get even more frustrated when hipsters carry those books around with their stupid indie pride and look down on me for buying new books. I have over five hundred books on my shelves and maybe fifteen are second hand.
10-The Paid-By-The-Word Book: You know those nine-hundred pages books with description that only true readers can appreciate? Well, fuck those derivative, unfocused landscape painting. I read because I want a story that will challenge my beliefs and open up my perception of the world. Not to read about some fucking landscapes.
