I have something to admit: nothing scares the shit out of me like a good ol' space movie *. Outer space is the ultimate expression of the greater unknown on film. There is literally NOBODY to help you when shit hits the fan and you know NOTHING about the forces who are trying to destroy you, so a twisted, tortured death away from everything you love is almost guaranteed. I hadn't heard of APOLLO 18 before stumbling upon it on Netflix. Usually, it's a hint that a movie is going to be fucking appalling, but I'm a sucker for a good space movie so I watched it anyway. APOLLO 18 has the best intentions, presumably smart people working on it, but it does fail miserably for all the wrong reasons. Shit happens, I suppose.
So, APOLLO 18 is one of these ''found footage'' false documentaries in the style of THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. It's about a secret Apollo mission that had for purpose to install observation cameras on the moon. The mission is going as planned when they stumble upon an abandoned Soviet shuttle. It's not something you're supposed to find on the FREAKIN' MOON. The flight crew leads its own investigation and soon find the corpse of one of the cosmonauts at the bottom of an impact crater. Then, it becomes apparent to them they haven't been sent on the moon to only set up cameras. There is something out there and it's not nice. Shenanigans ensue.
I thought APOLLO 18 was better than THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, quality wise. It's actually pleasant to watch, the old, grainy footage defines the vibe of the movie very well and give it a horror edge that could work. The problem is that the movie is unbelievable boring. There is a reason for that, APOLLO 18 is built like a mystery. The twist is about knowing what exactly they are going to find in space, so it's almost impossible not to be disappointed. NEWSFLASH! YOU'RE IN SPACE! IF YOU'RE NOT FINDING ALIENS, YOU'RE SHOOTING A SCIENTIFIC DOCUMENTARY. It's evident the crew is going to find aliens. So, the important thing would be not to delay it and give us the most uncanny, nightmare inducing creatures to struggle with. But it doesn't happen here. APOLLO 18 seems pretty stoked about this whole ''there are actually aliens in space!?!?!?!'' thing.
See what I did here?
The very best, most catatonia-inducing-scary space movie I've sever seen is EVENT HORIZON. Let's go over what it does well to put APOLLO 18's failure in perspective. Paul W.S Anderson's movie doesn't run from the fact that there is not much out there but the eventual alien. What's brilliant is that you don't know if what Captain Miller (Laurence Fishburne) and his crew found are actually aliens. You don't know if that thing can only be found in outer space of if it can pop anywhere, fucking murder you and make you one of them. Also, the initial scare of the encounter happens about 40% in the movie. There are confrontational scares and there is actually a proper ending written. EVENT HORIZON has the bad guys and the script to hold on to its promises of being fucking scary. APOLLO 18 doesn't, yet it's trying to be a gritty, realistic spin off the 90's scare-your-pants-off, classic.
Let that be a lesson, folks. If a movie is recent and you haven't even heard about it, it's probably because it's really fucking bad. APOLLO 18 is an endurance run of grainy footage stillness, mundane astronaut on astronaut action and pseudo-realistic hints that there are actually ALIENS IN SPACE!!! Wow, what a revelation. I've only been terrified by aliens since I was like, 3. There is nothing this movie gives you that another viewing of EVENT HORIZON cannot give you better. APOLLO 18 is like that super large bodybuilding guy that signs up for boxing lessons and buys all the gear right away. It looks the part, but it's slow, sluggish, unfit for duty and it doesn't have anything in the pants. It's painfully unoriginal and suffers from a poor sense of drama. I know I'm being hard here, but let's call APOLLO 18 what it is: a failure.
* ghosts movies being a close second.