#005 - The Truth About Getting Fired
I got fired once in my life, in 2016. It lasted twenty-four hours.
That day, I learned that an NDA was binding even AFTER a project was publicly deployed, or not. Maybe it’s what my employer thought at first and figured later they jumped the gun. I don’t know. At this point, I don’t want to know anymore. It’s going to be six years this summer and this terrifying ordeal keeps teaching me things. The specifics of NDAs being the least important.
My reaction to my own firing and being given a second chance is a lot more telling. I wanted that second chance. Not because I liked my job, I was openly interviewing for anything else then. The first two years at that place were miserable. I wanted that second chance because I thought my (alleged) transgression was indicative of an issue with my character. Fireable offense or not, it was an honest, gullible mistake. I used my common sense in a situation where (allegedly) common sense doesn’t apply.
I believed what other people said about me. Instead of using this opportunity to improve my professional situation, I wanted to make up to people who, by any means, acted like I betrayed them in the ugliest, most despicable way. I ended up staying two more years because I wanted to erase that memory from their mind and leave with my head high, which is ridiculous. It turned out extremely well, but it was fucking ridiculous nonetheless. I did not have to make amends of punish myself.
Circumstances punished me enough.
If you have never come home to tell someone you love that you’ve been fired over something stupid, make sure to keep it this way. I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. That night, I called everyone I know who could offer me a job. I felt like the floor opened under my feet and that I was getting sucked into a hole I wouldn’t ever get out of. If I didn’t have a job. If I didn’t bring money home to help with the condo and pay for the dog, I was nothing. I was less than fucking nothing.
Basing your self-worth on the function you occupy isn’t healthy, but it’s understandable if your function is crucial to society. Doctors and, to a certain extent, teachers and politicians are allowed to feel like shit if they lose their jobs. Basing your self-worth on the function you occupy because you feel occupying the said function is the only way you contribute to anything is symptomatic of something else. Something deeper than a simple error in judgement.
It’s something I did not understand cognitively or emotionally until I found a function where I was basically paid for being myself. My strengths are my judgement (it is not infaillible, obviously), perspective and storytelling skills. Understanding what you’re good at and how you provide value is a crucial life skill. If you don’t know this, you’re going to get caught in the trap of trying to provide value by any means necessary, so you’re going to do the small stuff and no one will notice.
That shit is alienating as fuck. It’s going to make you do dumb, self-sabotaging mistakes out of spite and everything is going to come crashing down. Because your sense of self-worth lies on that stupid fucking function you occupy.
What getting fired for twenty-four hours by people who didn’t know whether they should’ve fired me or not to save their asses taught me is that we’re being taught that fitting in a preexisting social and professional structure is the most important thing you can aspire to, but it’s wrong. Finding out where you fit and how you fit in these preexisting structures is the most important thing. It is the difference between finding your purpose and being a working class schlub.
No one ever teaches you the right thing. For what it’s worth, I highly suggest Managing Oneself, by Peter Drucker. It’s cheap, short (72 pages or so) and it’ll you what direction you should look at. It had none of the answers, but it’s one of the most honest books I’ve ever read.
