Have you ever watched the fire burn out at the end of a cigarette? Notice how the edges get gradually darker, but the red spot in the middle just doesn't wanna die. You can leave it on an ashtray for an hours and still, that red dot is going to illuminate through the night for a long time. Today, I feel like this tiny, irrelevant but fiercely burning dot.
Intense fatigue will do that do you. Everything peripheral and non-important will become darker and lose its importance. The more you get tired, the more you withdraw and start focusing on what counts because you don't want it to go dark too. I know I've made it. The show is this week-end and as soon as it's done, the only thing left to do will be to drift towards vacation. When the fire burns low, you have to be careful, even in the last miles.
Work, Fight Quest, writing, dog adoption, everything for the last few weeks has been like a mountain. So here's my survival strategy for the next 72 hours. I am going to withdraw and concentrate on what's still burning: Josie, the dog, writing. It's no use to try and re-ignite what is completely extinguished. Blowing on the embers is the correct method to restart a fire. This way, I should be fine for Saturday and recuperating gradually afterwards.
I'm a bit ashamed to write this, because to me, "I'm tired" is the lamest fuckin' excuse. If you tire yourself enough, you can maybe sleep at night and feel fresh the next morning. It's entirely true regarding physical fatigue, but stress is another ball game. It can wear you out in a quicker, more subtle way. It will keep you awake when you should be sleeping. Your body will be home, but your mind will still be at work. I have no problem to be at work when it comes to writing, but when slave-labor-utilitarian-work steps on the writing process, then, Houston & I have a problem.
There's no use to panic, cry or curl up in a ball. A strategic retreat is all I need. I'm not too sure what the proverb was, but there's an old saying that weeds survive strong winds because they can bend and adapt as where trees break. Until saturday it's writing, Josie & Scarlett...then I should be fine.
