I might be a fool, but I'm not stupid. I know I'm suffering from a story-specific case of writer's block. My week-end writing bonanza has translated into what? Two pages of new stuff. I like what I wrote, but it took me forever and ever to spit it out. Over two days I would have expected at least ten pages out of myself. It's a low moment for my creativity as a whole, but when it's time to write for "Solace" it's worse.
I find myself excuses not to sit in front of the computer and write my damned story. It's like I'm scared to ruin this perfectly good concept I have by putting it down on paper. Achievement is so much more glorious when it's inside your head. After all, I can be the next Dennis Lehane within the confines of my skull, no one is keeping me from being him when I close my eyes. It's cowardice. A normal reaction, but still it should be called cowardice. I seek to be abnormal, stronger than the average joe, so I can't really put up with this kind of behavior. I have to write.
I'm also starting to wonder how much of my "seduction process" I'm doing online is affecting my work. Dead End Follies is the mandatory stop I always wanted it to be, but I'm all over the place right now. I should maybe reduce my activities and focus more on my craft. I really wonder where I got all of this insecurity. Critics? It's been destabilizing, but I keep writing. Maybe not what I'm most emotionally attached to. The lack of critics have been more hurting than the critics themselves though. Josie is the thoughest reader I know. She doesn't put with any kind of complacency and threw my ego down quite a few times. It's all good though because she does that for the best. She knows how to scrape the bare emotion out of me and that's why I make her read my things.
It's the people who get rebutted by my use of english that hurt me the most. They don't care. It's a sign they dididn't even cared when they layed their eyes on the text first. I found a way to bypass them though. I'll get this software called WhiteSmoke who corrects typos, grammar, syntax, etc. Now these assholes will have to tell me to my face they don't give a shit about what I write. It's quite the trip that writing adventure. It's making me less anesthetized and it's waking me up to a new perception of life.
Walking Forward.
Again.
Always.
